Golden Handcuffs: Why They Keep You Stuck (And How I Broke Free)

Golden Handcuffs: Why They Keep You Stuck (And How I Broke Free)

Introduction

For a long time, I thought I was doing everything right. I had built multiple businesses, grown my income significantly, and accumulated the kinds of things that were supposed to mean I "made it." But instead of feeling free, I felt stuck. Trapped, even. It turns out, there's a name for that: golden handcuffs.

When your income rises, it’s easy to upgrade everything—house, car, vacations, schools—until suddenly your life is built around maintaining that income. And when you're already exhausted, the idea of doing something different feels impossible.

1. What Are Golden Handcuffs, Really?

Golden handcuffs are a situation where your high income locks you into a lifestyle you can’t easily walk away from. It feels like success on the outside—but like a prison on the inside.

Society doesn’t help. The pressure to "project" success is everywhere. You want to show that you've accomplished something. Whether you're trying to prove it to your parents, spouse, old friends, or even just yourself—it becomes easy to measure success by what you have, not how you feel.

But that mindset creates a dangerous trap: the more you earn, the more you spend. The more you spend, the more you need to keep earning just to sustain it. And that’s how golden handcuffs tighten.

2. How Lifestyle Creep Happens (and Why It’s So Dangerous)

It usually starts with harmless upgrades:

• You get the nicer car because you can.

• You upgrade the house because you deserve it.

• You start dining out more, traveling first class, or buying things without even thinking.

And at each stage, your baseline resets.

Worse, many of these upgrades become fixed costs. Now you're not just spending more—you're required to keep spending more every single month. Private school tuition, higher insurance costs, bigger mortgages. All of it adds pressure.

Every one of those decisions might feel small. But together? They build a machine that demands constant feeding. And before long, you’re earning more than ever—and still feeling financially stressed.

"Every decision gets you closer to or further away from your goals."

3. My Wake-Up Moment

Here’s the truth: nice stuff didn’t bring me joy. It brought me stress.

In fact, it made me feel more isolated from the people I cared about—people who hadn’t achieved the same financial success. I didn’t care about their accomplishments. I wasn't doing this to impress anyone. I had achieved what I did for me. But the big, expensive purchases? They didn’t help me be happy.

They wore me out.

Eventually, I hit a wall. I stopped caring about the appearances, the upgrades, the expectations. I only cared about things that genuinely brought me joy. And I realized it was time to eliminate everything else.

That decision changed everything.

4. How I Started Breaking Free

It didn’t happen overnight, but here’s what worked for me:

1. Awareness

I started tracking what I spent, what I needed, and where I was on autopilot. Awareness is the first step in changing anything.

2. Gap Creation

As income increased, I committed to keeping lifestyle increases at half—or less. Instead of inflating my spending by $10,000 after a raise, I’d increase by $2,500 and invest the rest.

3. Intentional Spending

I stopped buying things just because I could. Instead, I asked: Does this bring me joy or make life better in a real way?

"When you're adding an expense, add that additional money to savings for a while first. It simulates the new expense and lets you see how it affects your overall condition, helping you decide if that ongoing cost is truly worth it."

One guiding principle I adopted was simple: I'll happily spend money on things that save me time or buy back time. Time with my kids, my family, my closest friends—that's the most worthy investment I can make.

4. Invest First, Upgrade Later

Luxuries became rewards, not defaults. Before adding any recurring expense, I made sure I could invest an equal (or greater) amount first.

5. The Freedom I Found

Once I stopped chasing appearances and broke the cycle of lifestyle inflation, I gained something far more valuable: mental freedom.

Removing the stress of thinking about finances—whether business or personal—freed up my mind to focus on far more productive things.

I became more creative. More strategic. More present.  The improvements aren’t limited to work, I got the same benefits in my personal life too.

And most of all, I began to build wealth that didn’t own me.

Conclusion: Build Wealth, Not Walls

Golden handcuffs are tricky. They look like success from the outside. But if they’re keeping you stuck, they’re not success—they’re a trap.

Escaping them isn’t about deprivation. It’s about reclaiming your choices.

Start measuring success not by what you can afford to buy, but by how free you are to live. Because real wealth isn’t about the size of your paycheck—it’s about the strength of your freedom.

Recommended Reading

The Psychology of Money by Morgan Housel

The Millionaire Next Door by Thomas J. Stanley and William D. Danko